Toshiro and Momo's Shinigami Guidebook
by 7055362
Summary: A Guidebook composed by Hitsugaya and Hinamori. You'll never look down upon the shinigami ever again! HITSUHINA! Rated T just in case


The Shinigami GuideBook

Composed by Toshiro Hitsugaya and Momo Hinamori

If you ever happen to die and end up in Soul Society, make sure you have a copy of this, since its very important. Though...you should happen to know the Shinigami basics.

Guide Book Chapter 001

Fact 1: Shinigami are NOT Ninjas wearing yutakas and kimonos in heaven. Absolutely. We are death gods. Register that.

Fact 2: Zanpakuto are NOT toy swords.

Fact 3: We DONT carry around a wakizashi in case we forget our Zanpakuto. Its just that we use the wakizashi in case we don't WANNA use our zanpakuto. (But Shiro-chan, I forgot Tobiume last night when we went down to Sector 34!) (Shut up).

...

Guide Book Chapter 002

Lets move on with the Gotei 13

Fact 4: The Captain Commander ISNT an old Show-off who's too stubborn to let go off his seat. He's VERY strong and personally, I find him to be a very good leader. (Oh sure. He almost got us all killed once) (Shut up, BEDWETTER! This is a GUIDE BOOK not a COMMENT BOOK!) (Sorry...)

Fact 5: We DO have a First Squad Vice captain. He just happens to be a bit...err...reserved! (He's WEIRD...) (AND HE FLICKED MY ZANPAKUTO!) (MATSUMOTO?) (Rangiku-san!) (Hey, hey, can I join too!) (Of course you can, Ran-) (SHUT UP. Both of you...Matsumoto, don't you have a party today?) (OH YEAH THATS RIGHT! Thanks for reminding me, Captain! Buh-Bye!)

Fact 6: Captain Ichimaru is NOT a werewolf. He just happens to look like a fox... (THAT BLOODY BASTARD! AAARGHH! FOX FACED JERK!) (Calm down, Shiro-chan...)

Fact 7: Vice Captain Kira is NOT a depression patient. After that fox-faced idiot left, he seemed a HECK lot happier. (You think hanging around with that bloody Ichimaru did something to his brain?) (Hmm...maybe...but Kira-kun is okay now...maybe its his zanpakuto...) (Yeah I know...thats ONE lame zanpakuto...I guess the kidou saved him) (Shiro-chan! Dont say that out aloud!) (Yeah, yeah).

Fact 8: Aizen is NOT Hinamori's dad...though I sure wish he was... (Shiro-chan?) (Sorry, Momo...I...) (Well now that you mention it, he was always like a cross between a father and a role model...) (R-REALLY? _Wow I actually have a chance!_)

Fact 9: Hinamori is NOT my sister. She's my childhood friend. (Aaawww, Shiro-chan, how nice of you!) (err...) (Ne, Ne! How about we go take a bath together like the old times?) (Please shut up.) (PWETTY PWEESE?) (A-All right...b-b-but a-after THIS...) (YAY!) (_Better do it NOW when its SAFE...she's STILL rather flat..._)

Fact 10: Captain Kuchiki is NOT an Emo freak. He just happens to be a bit lonely.

Fact 11: Vice Captain Abarai is NOT a living red pineapple head. So quit biting his hair. Its gross. And don't call him Bushy-brows either. (But Abarai-kun is awesome!) (Shut up, bedwetter...)

Fact 12: Captain Komamura is a fluffy dog thingy. Sure its weird but you'll hurt his feelings. And DONT even THINK of playing 'fetch' with him. You're not gonna like it. (But I always thought that was fun!) (Wait until he crushes you using his bankai...) (But Vice captain Hinamori plays very well) (C-CAPTAIN KOMAMURA!) (Hello, everyone)(See, Shiro-chan!)

Fact 13: Vice captain Iba is NOT blind. He likes sunglasses and thats IT. (He's boring...) (Uh-huh...)

Fact 14: Hisagi's '69' tattoo has nothing to do with him other than his face. So quit bugging him about it. (But Hisagi-san looks COOL!) (I SAID SHUT UP!)

Fact 15: NEVER underestimate Captain Tosen's eyesight. (I thought he was blind!) (Well, yes, but STILL...)

Fact 16: Dont call me 'Shorty' OR 'Shiro-chan' OR 'Toshiro' OR 'Chibi' OR 'White haired freak'. Its Captain Hitsugaya. (SHIRO-CHAAN!) (WTF ARE YOU BLIND! READ FACT 16!) (Fact 16 is INVALID) (WHY YOU...)

Fact 17: Vice Captain Matsumoto's chest is for real. So quit thinking that they're fake. (But most of the women here think she's stitched in balloons!) (Who knows...could be true...)(When will MY chest become like that!) (Err...I don't REALLY think your chest should become like that...) (But I'd look SEXY!) (You look sexy enough...) (EEeh?)

Fact 18: Soul Society is NOT a playground. Crazy captains with no control over their crazier vice captains should not consider it so. (I MEAN IT!)

Fact 19: Captain's Zaraki changed his hairstyle so that it fits in with the Soul Society Captains Hairstyle Critea. (Uwaah!) (Well I dunno...) (He has BELLS on his hair..URRHGGHH...)

Fact 20: Vice Captain Kusajishi is NOT an immature kid. Though she may seem to be one, she's dangerous. Bribing her with candy isn't really a good idea either. She's contagious. (BUT SHE'S CUTE!) (Hinamori...that had nothing to do with her reiatsu...)

Fact 21: Fifth Seat Ayasegawa is NOT a woman. He just happens to have a weird hairdo and makeup taste. (Yumichika-san is beautiful!) (See what I mean?)

Fact 22: Third Seat Madarame is BALD but don't call him that. All rights reserved to Vice Captain Kusajishi. (Ehehehe...) (Hinamori..you sound weird...dont say that...)

Fact 23: Captain Kurotsuchi is NOT an alien. He's a cr(eepy)eative scientist. (And I saw him giving you some candy the other day!) (Uurgh. His Green Apple fudge STINKS)

Fact 24: Vice captain Kurotsuchi is NOT a robot. That doesn't mean you can harass her either.

Fact 25: Captain Ukitake is NOT my dad. (But I sure wish he was your dad!) (Why the heck?) (I'd get free candy every day!) (OH SHUT UP...) (WHERE'S PAPA'S BOY!) (I'm NOT related to you...)

Guide Book Chapter 003

RULES: DO's and DONT's

Rule 1: DO NOT call The Captain Commander "OLD MAN" though you can say so in the bathtub if he's NOT listening. (OLD MAN!)

Rule 2: Dont talk ill of Yoruichi in front of Captain Soi Fon. She could tear you up.

Rule 3: Dont crack a nasty joke in front of Captain Unohana. She might take her revenge the next time you fall sick.

Rule 4: DO NOT insult Kira's hairstyle. He could make you go through your summer diet all over again using his zanpakuto.

Rule 5: Do NOT hand over bananas to Captain Kuchiki IF AT ALL you think he likes them. Chances are that he could peel you off instead off the banana. (Royal Insult. DEADLY) (MOMO LUV BANANA) (You sound like a freak. Zip it)

Rule 6: Dont insult Hisagi's Shinigami clothes. He's still a bachelor. UNDERSTAND why he needs his clothes.

Rule 7: DO NOT insult OR pick a fight with me. The Fourth Squad is running out of heaters to melt frozen shinigami bodies everywhere.

And as for the rest, Well, I'm in a hurry so we'll skip to m FAVOURITE part! HAH!

Hitsugaya's rules:

RULE 001: Spill Hinamori's blood and I'll FREEZE your blood, literally killing you.

RULE 002: DONT insult Hinamori's hairstyle. I'll shave YOUR hair then.

RULE 003: If you think Hinamori's UGLY, YOU'RE JEALOUS.

Rule 004: Never even PRETEND being OOC with her...THATS MY JOB...

Rule 005: IF ya think I'm too young for her, I'll smash yer frozen brain cells...

Rule 006: DONT tell Hinamori to update her clothes. She just MIGHT...err...

Rule 007: Wanna pick a fight with Hinamori? OVER MY DEAD BODY.

"Shiro-chan..."

"SHIT! MOMO LOOK THERE!"

"WHERE!"

"THERE!"

*closes the book* "M-Maybe I was dreaming!"

"Jeez Shiro-chan, I swear..."

...

REVIEW!


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